Five items from Link’s Awakening a pulp investigator would have.
Flippers: Link uses these to dive below the surface of water.
Every private investigator knows they will eventually be called to sneak into some abandoned building through the inevitably flooded basement. With a pair of trusty flippers and a lung full of air, there is no limit to the trouble an investigator can get themselves into.
Dog Food: Link gets this can of dog food in exchange for a ribbon given to a domesticated chain chomp. I tried to draw this can with a strange symbol that was still recognizable as meat related . What I intended to be something like palm fronds ended up looking more like tentacles. With that in mind, who knows what sort of meat is in this can.
Any P.I. worth their salt has a hidden gun, a pocket knife, and a trunk full of canned food. Nobody has time for a nice home cooked meal when they are chasing down leads or staking out hideouts. P.I.’s these days make sure an empty stomach doesn’t get in the way of them catching the perp before it's too late.
Nightmare Key: Each of the Nightmare keys in Link’s Awakening open the sealed door to the dungeon’s boss.
Most jobs are like any other, prove the suspicions of infidelity, find the missing jewelry, or solve a murder. This case started like they all do, with some helpless fool barging into my office begging for my help. This time the fool was a museum curator with a taste for illegal gambling. The job was recovering some museum trinket the curator lost in a game they say was rigged. Getting the thing back was the easy part. Finishing the job was the hard part. The curator has disappeared, the Marcelini family is out for my hide, and I haven’t slept a whole night through thanks to the nightmares I keep having where some burnt up monster tells me I am the key to opening the three-hundred-and-sixty-ninth gate.
Magnifying Glass: Another lens of sight. Had I realized this item was on the list twice, I would have not done this drawing. I really don’t like how it turned out but such is life.
The Staff of Andraste was supposedly destroyed in the fire that consumed the occult wing of the Metropolitan Museum for the Arts and Arcane. With many other objects thought to have been lost in that fire recently appearing on the black market, it is no wonder that the head of the goddess' staff is rumored to be available, for the right price. Your client is willing to pay whatever that price may be since you have been hired as the go-between for the exchange.
Stick: Using this stick, a monkey single handedly guards a rope bridge. Link bribes the monkey with a banana to be allowed to cross the bridge, and gets the stick when the monkey runs off for lunch.
An old army buddy of mine asked me to back them up on a pick up job. All I was supposed to do was drive to the spot and wait in the car until they came back with the package. It had been raining cats and dogs all night and by the time we got to the location you couldn’t see more than thirty feet in front of you. My friend walked into the warehouse as cool as cucumber. Not a minute after they walked in through the doors, lightning struck the roof and the whole place caught fire. My pal comes staggering out of the same doors with a branch stuck through their chest. When I get to them, all they can say is, “Keep this from Mr. Wednesday” before they bled to death in the backseat.
----------
My private investigator turned into an occult investigator pretty fast.
If you are in a democratic country, please make sure you are registered to vote. The systems can only be as effective as their participants.
Feel free to use these personally as you see fit, but please don’t profit off my work without my consent.
And as always, remember to be excellent to everyone.
-Ceph
No comments:
Post a Comment