The Speaking Squid

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, April 5, 2026

The Minish Cap: A tragic wishing well

A tragic wishing well

Blue Rupee: This lustrous blue rupee is worth 500% the value of its simple green cousins. Five rupees can’t get you much, but they quickly add up for Link during his travels since he finds them in grass, dirt, rocks, chests, rewards, and gifts.

This used to be a wishing well that folks from all over would come to and try to sway the whims of fate. One tragic night, a person was drowned in the wells auspicious waters. Ever since that night, the well has been cursed and the surrounding lands haunted by vengeful spirits.

New child adjustment continues. Not a lot of sleep over here. If you want to help, find someone who is going through a difficult transition and offer them help without the expectation of a thank you.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, March 22, 2026

The Minish Cap: A hut perched atop a chicken leg

A hut perched atop a chicken leg

Big Wallet: Big wallets are upgrades to the total amount of rupees Link can hold at once during his adventures in the Minish Cap. He can buy one, earn one through kinstone fusion, and is given one as a reward from a Great Fairy. After Link gathers all three, he will be able to carry a total of 999 rupees.

All the people living along the edge of the forest know the story of the witch and her hut that stalks through the woods on a great pair of chicken legs. When the hut settles on a new roost, it settles down onto the ground, hiding its great legs and appearing like an unassuming refugee nestled in the darkness of the deep woods. While the witch is not necessarily evil, she is rarely kind, and her gifts always come with conditions, so it is often wisest to avoid the house entirely if you spot it in your travels.

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If you were to randomly draw this from a loot deck, I’d probably say it was a carved token in the image of the hut or I would say you haven’t found any item, but something or someone has noticed you and then find a way to introduce the baba yaga or another witch or hag into your game.

I love hags as characters and influencers. Ravel Mazewell was one of my favorite parts of Planescape: Torment. I always look for ways to sneak hags and covens and witches into my games and worlds.

Speaking of hags, Kristi Noem did immeasurable harm to families, one very impactful way to help ease some of the suffering she directed is to donate funds to rental assistance programs helping people pay their bills while hiding from the government. You can donate to a community assistance fund supporting neighbors in Minneapolis here.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, March 15, 2026

The Minish Cap: An empty crown for we need no kings

An empty crown for we need no kings

Big Red Rupee: Here it is, the biggest, baddest, most highly valued rupee of them all. This big red rupee is worth 200 rupees and is almost always found as a reward for solving a puzzle or fusing a particularly rare kinstone.

When the Prophet of Amber stormed the capital and seized control of the bureaucracy, they commissioned this crown and declared themself a king. The fearful and foolish believed the prophet, but most of the people recognized the lies for what they were and rose up. By the time the crown was ready to sit on the head of the king, the land had no king, and the prophet had no head.

Thinly veiled allegory.

Support families harmed by ICE pay rent in MN here.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, March 1, 2026

The Minish Cap: A leprechaun’s pot of gold

A leprechaun’s pot of gold

Big Green Rupee: Green is the simplest of the rupees, so big green rupees are the least valuable of the big rupees. Worth 50 of their smaller kin, Link often finds big green rupees in chests and soft soil as a reward for solving a minor puzzle.

Spending all summer searching for a leprechaun’s hidden gold is a waste of time. Spending all summer carefully tracking local leprechauns so that you can catch one after a particularly wild midsummer revel just takes commitment. Now that you’ve got this hungover fairy caught, you’ve got to get them to take you to their real gold, and not some false cache hidden to fool amateurs.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, February 15, 2026

The Minish Cap: A dragon-sick diamond

A dragon-sick diamond

Big Blue Rupee: The economy of Hyrule runs on rupees, which is crazy because Link can just cut grass over and over until he can afford anything he could possibly want. Big blue rupees are usually rewards from kinstone fusion of inside chests as they are worth 100 rupees.

This Diamond was the pride of a dragon’s hoard, not for its size, but for its unique provenance. The gem was the last piece cut by the long dead master jeweler of the glittering isles. The dragon so obsessed over this single gem that it became infused with the dragon's greed and pride, cursing any who touch it with unquenchable greed and self-sabotaging pride.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Four Swords Adventures: Explosive coins for the discrete sapper.

Explosive coins for the discrete sapper.

Bombos Medallion: Activating the medallion causes a fiery rain to fall and kill all enemies on screen. Such a power could easily be abused, so Links can only use the medallions in specific locations where hordes of enemies are attacking the Links.

A vengeful enchanter from a city of thieves made the first incarnation of these explosive coins to punish pickpockets and cutpurses. The coins appear to be regular 5 bits until flipped when they become explosive and will detonate in a few short moments. These coins are now used by spies, revolutionaries, and anyone else who wants to discreetly carry high explosives.

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Many of the posts from this set will be multiple versions of the same base item since the theme was dual, or duel in some cases.

If you enjoy my work, please consider donating:

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Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Toss a coin to your illustrator.

Tip Jar: I’ve been posting my art to this for six years come March. In that time I’ve posted over 1,000 item cards for everyone to enjoy and grown a ton as an artist. I’m not done growing artistically, but I can step back and say I'm proud of the sheer volume of art that I have shared and I am happier and happier with the quality of work I can produce every day.

If you have ever been inspired by my work or used my item cards in your games, please consider making a one-time donation to my Ko-Fi or becoming a sustaining supporter on my new Patreon page. Every donation is appreciated no matter the size.

If you don’t have enough to spare right now, that is totally okay. You can still support me by coming back for new item cards every Sunday.

If you’d like to make a donation, the links are below. You can also find them in the top right corner of the page.

Make a one-time donation with Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/theeasyspeaker

Become a sustaining supporter on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ItemCardswithTheSpeakingSquid

Thank you for your continued support and I hope we have a great new year.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, June 18, 2023

Wind Waker: A silver coin.

A silver coin

Rupee: The currency of the Great Sea, as in most Zelda games, is the simple Rupee. Ranging in value from the simple single green rupee to silver rupees worth two hundred times that. Link can find rupees all over his travels as treasure, rewards, or simply randomly scattered about.

A large silver coin is colloquially known as a dragon’s scale. The face is a portrait of the Great Dragon of the sky, and the back is a quartered field with the tower of gods and the dragon’s portrait in opposite corners. This was a common coin used before the calamity, but now they are only found in long-lost hoards of treasure.

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As the nine pieces of eight had nothing to do with an actual piece of eight, I thought I’d draw a real piece of eight. A Spanish dollar minted after 1497 was known as a piece of eight because it was worth 8 Spanish reales. That is what gets you the coin you see today.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Saturday, November 26, 2022

Wind Waker: You thought you found a chest in the dungeon.

You thought you found a chest in the dungeon.

Giant's Wallet: Just like the first upgrade to Link’s wallet, the second is gifted by a Great Fairy. This Great Fairy’s fountain is on the Northern Fairy Island. There is no obstacle blocking the way to the Fairy’s fountain besides visiting the island. With both upgrades, Link’s total rupee capacity is increased to an awkward 5,000 rupees.

Ah crap, turns out that chest you found was actually a mimic. Forgot to mention that in the list of possible options. A shame you had to find out the hard way, but we will make sure to have your pension sent to your loved ones when the rest of us get back from this accursed expedition.

A story in two acts.

This mimic was actually pretty fun to draw. I especially like the goat-inspired wide pupil that probably doesn’t make any sense from a biology perspective, but whatever, it is a made-up monster specifically designed to punish players.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Wind Waker: You find a chest in the dungeon.

You find a chest in the dungeon.

Adult Wallet: The two upgrades to Link’s wallet can be obtained in either order. As with most of the bag upgrades in Wind Waker, both are given by Great Fairies upon Link’s first visit to their fountain. One upgrade is given by a Great Fairy in the Fairy Wood of Link’s home Outset Island. The entrance is blocked by a destructible boulder that needs to be bombed to be removed. With the upgraded wallet, Link can now carry up to 1,000 rupees at once.

It is a simple chest left locked but unattended. There could be treasure inside, it could be trapped, or it could be both. I only know of one way to be sure.

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Let’s open this chest up. Tune in next week to find out what’s inside.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, January 16, 2022

Four Swords: A cache of gems from Four Swords.

A cache of gems from Four Swords.

Rupees: While the overall goal of Four Swords is to beat Vaati the Wind Sorcerer, the immediate goal for every Link is to amass as many rupees as possible by the end of each stage. Getting enough rupees is the only way to earn the great fairies’ keys to enter Vaati’s palace. Rupees also act as each Link’s lifeline. When a Link loses their last heart they can be revived if they have enough rupees to pay the incrementally increasing cost to revive. Many boons and banes help or hurt the Links’ chance of getting rupees such as the four hidden rupee shards, bonus rupees for finishing quickly, rupee wraiths, rupoors, and simply dropping rupees when hurt. Simply put, rupees are the lifeblood of adventure in Four Swords.

A room full of gems and jewels of assorted colors is rumored to be hidden within the stone walls of the ruined royal castle. Fortune hunters and thrill-seekers have attacked any crack in the walls with every tool imaginable over the years. The castle ruins are now pock-marked with the tell-tale signs of picks, hammers, and explosives, but the treasure chamber remains undiscovered.

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Rupees are required for any adventure, even the everyday adventures of life. The depths of winter can be some of the hardest times for many people and families in America. If you have some extra rupees, consider giving something to a local aid group. If you don’t, I hope you have enough or are getting the help you deserve. Everyone deserves to have enough.

Be excellent to each other.

-Ceph

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Not an artist: Four crystals from Oracle of Seasons that have a secret.

Four crystals from Oracle of Seasons that have a secret.

Ore Chunks: Ore chunks are the mineral based currency of Subrosia. Just like rupees, Link can find ore chunks just about anywhere, but only in Subrosia. Silver ore chunks are worth one, red chunks are worth five and gold chunks are worth fifty. Link can spend these chunks in the Subrosian Market, but they are hidden someplace inaccessible when Link leaves Subrosia for the sights and sounds of sun kissed Holodrum.

Bismuth crystals are pretty crazy looking but they are a hard mode exercise in perspective when drawing. It is no wonder their oddly artificial looking crystals were used as some of the visual language for Magic the Gathering’s Eldrazi.

This ore was collected from a strange mineral growth that is slowly appearing all over the continent. Scholars are dumbfounded by the fact that the mineral behaves more like a fungus than a stone without any discernible signs of life. Whatever is causing these deposits to form must be getting closer since they are growing faster and faster every day.

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Holiday: Have a lucky coin that is entirely fungible.

Have a lucky coin that is entirely fungible.

Lucky coin: Finding a coin heads up on the ground is an auspicious sign. The free clink in your pocket is a sure sign that you have someone or something’s favor. Remember to use that coin and its luck fast so that it doesn’t have the chance to sour.

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NFT’s are for fools. As today is a day for fools, I will waste a bit of my time on them. NFT’s, or non-fungible tokens, are a hot topic right now. I primarily think they are bad because they create a sense of value by creating false scarcity. Digital assets are infinitely reproducible and NFT’s just want to use art as a way to add legitimacy to the token collection craze. This also entirely ignores the real environmental cost of running supercomputers just to maintain a decentralized currency so that people can say they own a URL.

Crypto may be here to stay but I for one am not impressed by its impact on art.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, May 19, 2019

I'm not an artist: Five items from Majora’s Mask you could find impounded in customs.

Five items from Majora’s Mask you could find impounded in customs.

Magic Bean: These magic beans grow into strong climbable beanstalks when they are planted in patches of soft soil and watered with spring water or the rains called down by Link playing the Song of Storms. Those waters must be quite potent since similar beans in Ocarina of Time take seven years to fully mature into beanstalks that could bear a hero’s weight. These beanstalks usually allow Link to access hidden areas containing a piece of heart or other valuable treasure.

Smugglers hide everything one could imagine inside of coffee casks. The strong aroma is supposed to hide the odor of any hidden contraband from the sensitive noses of the trained hounds. With the sheer volume of contraband laden coffee shipments coming into Port Brighton, a few are bound to be discovered and confiscated, coffee and all. The impound warehouse holds many exotic coffee shipments that are slated to be destroyed by “grinding and boiling” after the statutory holding period lapses.

Monday, January 28, 2019

I'm not an artist: Five items from Ocarina of Time a thief might desire.

Five items from Ocarina of Time a thief might desire.

Adult’s Wallet: Before Link receives the adult’s wallet, he can only carry 99 rupees. That might feel like a lot at the start of the game, but inflation makes that a meager sum quickly. Link obtains this wallet from the inhabitants of the House of Skulltula by returning proof he released ten spirits from the curse.

Lifting wallets and coin purses off rubes with more money than sense is how every pickpocket gets their start. It is difficult to survive off the petty cash one can grab in even the best of times. Having to always be working on the next grab leads pickpockets to look for bigger scores or find themselves in irons, often both.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

I'm not an artist: A belated introduction and some more items from The Legend of Zelda

The point of the I'm not an artist series is to get myself to put things out into the world as I practice drawing. I am using this space to build good habits and create things for others after years of being a lurker.

Here are another five items from '84's The Legend of Zelda.

White Sword: This is pretty much me drawing the version of the White Sword from Hyrule Warriors. This has a paladin's claymore feel. Sort of like Chrysamere or a Holy Avenger.