The Speaking Squid

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, October 11, 2026

The Minish Cap: Some news is hard to hear

Some news is hard to hear

Swordsman Newsletter: These newsletters are filled with helpful tips and adventure hooks to keep Link exploring. Fusing kinstones with the right people begins the newsletter's publication, but Link must earn new tiger scrolls to unlock further newsletters. Each issue costs a whopping 200 rupees, so I wouldn’t be surprised if many players skip these.

Three newspapers seemed like a very lackluster reward for recovering the Professor’s quantum chronometer from the League of Politicians. That was before you really inspected each paper. Yesterday’s news didn’t have any surprises, Today’s news had articles about things that must have happened only a few moments ago, and tomorrow’s news is filled with things that haven’t happened yet, but the lottery numbers have already been cut out.

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Giving a player tomorrow’s news without actually describing it as anything but a folded newspaper is a fun way to reward players that pay attention to small details.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, October 4, 2026

The Minish Cap: A spinning wheel

A spinning wheel

Phonograph: In the reasonably named Music House, Link can find a phonograph that can play almost any song in Hyrule. If Link wishes to spend some time relaxing between dungeon delves, he can simply visit the Music House and enjoy the music of Hyrule.

Spinning wheel operation guidelines. Load unspun fibers onto the distaff, avoid poking yourself with the distaff needle, it hurts. Draw a steady stream of fibers from the distaff onto the spindle while steadily spinning the wheel, avoid poking yourself on the spindle needle, it hurts.

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Spinning wheels had two possible point parts a cursed princess might prick their finger on. Neither are particularly obvious until you do too much research into how a person might prick their finger on a tool that doesn’t have any obvious pointy parts. The distaff is a hopper for unspun fiber that is sometimes just a long spike for poking a mass of wool on. The spindle is a removable needle with an attachment to make it spin as the wheel spins where the thread is wound as its made. Now you know how sleeping beauty could prick her hand on something round and smooth.

I also think it is fascinating that spinning, the act of making thread and yarn, and its tools were so ubiquitous and well understood that someone could be said to prick their finger on a spinning wheel and it could be expected that the entire audience would understand how. Now the means of production have been so thoroughly separated from the workers that they have no idea how anyone could prick their finger on a spinning wheel, or what a spinning wheel even looks like.

*insert anti-capitalist rant from Spice8Rack*

Also, if you are feeling down, you should consider a traditional craft as a hobby. Creating something with your hands from raw materials is a transformative experience.

How to support me:

Thank you for your support.

Be excellent to everyone.

-Ceph

Sunday, September 27, 2026

The Minish Cap: The Minish Cap

The Minish Cap

Minish Cap: The titular Minish Cap is actually Elzo, the wise Picori sage, forced into the shape of a hat by the dark sorcerer, and former apprentice, Vaati. The talking bird-headed hat allows Link to shrink down to Minish size and return to full size, as well as offering Link guidance during his journey. Link finds Elzo in his hat form at the Minish Gate in Hyrule Castle after Vaati escapes with Princess Zelda.

A wise sage sought to keep a powerful relic, the hat of the mage, away from a dark sorcerer. To punish the elder sage, the dark sorcerer changed the sage into a hat toped with a heron’s head so that the sage might see the domination the dark sorcerer would attain over the world. Now the hat waits and hopes for the arrival of a hero that might tip the scales of fate toward the light.

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Enjoy the bonus red cap in the phyringean style. This could be the bloody hat of the murderous red cap fairies or the hat of a great archer that carries an echo of the warrior’s spirit that mentors a young hero.

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